I love how advanced technology is these days. I love that there is an app where I can see what pictures and videos I took and FB posts I made on this day in years past. My Timehop is filled with memories from last year when Elias was crawling around but still very much baby. The year before that is pretty quiet but occasionally filled with memories of being pregnant with and preparing for Elias’ arrival. And three years ago I was in a hospital room in a big children’s hospital with my husband and my very sick baby. I love watching videos of Evan. I love looking at his beautiful face in the pictures. We took pictures every day because we wanted to capture each day how he changed and grew. We wanted to be able to look back and be back in that moment right beside that little hospital bed where he spent his whole life. I am so grateful for all of those pictures. A lot of nights when I am in bed getting Elias to sleep I will look back and remember those days. I love when I can go back and remember. I love remembering holding his chubby, soft little hand. I love remembering him sucking on his little pacifier (with our help). I love remembering the time we were blessed to have him here on Earth with us. I will forever be grateful for the time God gave him to us. It was such a time of affliction but I grew so much in my patience and my faith during those days in the hospital. We grew as a couple in our marriage and we both were being prepared for our journey as parents to Elias. Elias is one of those kids that is really strong-willed. He has required a lot of patience and flexibility from us and I know that will only continue as he grows and changes and gets even more ideas of what he wants to do (or more importantly doesn’t want to do!)
This is the life we are living. One without Evan here on Earth with us, but one that Evan’s life on Earth prepared us for. Each day when I get frustrated with Elias for one reason or another, I take a deep breath and thank God for blessing us with him. I remember his brother and how I would give anything to have him here running around and being hard-headed. I honestly think I would be even more frazzled, crazy, and impatient if I hadn’t lived through the eleven weeks of being mom to a very sick baby. It pushed me to grow and for that I am thankful.
Picture because my sweet boy is growing so fast and I love him! This picture was taken about a year ago. I can hardly contain my tears when I look at it and think about how I feel like it was yesterday.
And this past March..my how he has changed.